Is this story any good?

Hey, not bad!!! I'm uming that's just like the first chapter? You write well, quite descriptive and fluently. The only suggestions I have is to use spell check (alot of mistakes in that piece) and maybe see if you can get onto someone through the internet to edit it for you, tell you where you need to elaborate more, and where to cut bits out that aren't necessary, etc. I'm not sure if you can maybe get someone who is just starting out on their own and they might do it free, or cheaper than a professional. You seem to have a good imagination, best of luck to you :)